Three Things Parents Must Do!

Carol Berman came on December 7th and gave a tremendous amount of great information about parenting a child with special needs and what she has learned through raising her son who has multiple disabilities. I have known Carol for over 20 years and here are the 3 most important things she taught me and shared that night on Zoom.

Never Stop Encouraging Independence 

Carol made sure her son Michael was as independent as possible. She taught him ways to get around his weaknesses and to express his strengths. She shared about how so many IEPs focused on what her son Michael could not do. She always changed the tone of these meetings to focus on her son’s strengths and how they could be used to work progressively toward overcoming the impact of his disabilities. 

She said many times life skills were the most difficult and should be worked on daily by parents.  Her son has struggled with money management and understanding the how much money he has versus what he wants to spend. I think most Americans can relate to this even without disabilities. When asked how early do you start with life skills and training your child to live as independently as possible; Carol replied, “ As soon as they are born.”  One of the best things she used to tell me was, “Your child will end up as disabled as you make him.” She was right. The higher expectations and vision I had for my son, the happier and more fulfilled he became. Carol’s son Michael is now the Director of Recreation in a nursing home and has two children. He is now having to teach his children independence too!

Pursue a Genuine Sense of Belonging

Carol’s son was in district until about the 5th grade. He was very far behind in reading and other academics. It was extremely difficult, but she made the decision to move him out-of-district. When she did, she saw Michael light up. He now had access to so many other things that were not possible for him in his home school. He felt included and a sense of belonging in a way he had not before. He could play in sports, become part of a student council, and participate in other after-school programs. In his home school he had opportunities to join things, but did not feel he belonged. He was also involved in the community and his family. Inclusion is multi-faceted. It goes beyond just school. As Michael grew older and gained more confidence, he found his own way toward inclusion in the world. Michael attended a four year college and lived on campus independently. Inclusion is more than access, it is found in developing a a sense of belonging wherever that may be. Help your child to find their OWN sense of belonging in their family, community, and school.

Advocate to Reach THEIR Fullest Potential 

Carol’s son always wanted to become a Physical Therapist. She knew in her heart the odds were against him. She never told him he couldn’t try or have that vision for himself. Instead, she encouraged him to try it. He did. He found out for himself, it was not something he wanted or felt he could do. She then sat down with him and they came up with becoming a recreational therapist. Carol used to tell me all the time, let your son make his own decisions and advocate for his own conclusions about his life. I have followed that and my son has tried and failed at many things, but he has lived his life as HE has chosen. This is one of the most valuable things I have learned and applied. So often we want to protect our children, but the world is not built that way. The most important thing we can teach them is how to keep getting back up when they have failed or made mistakes!  GRIT and self advocacy are the key factors to success, not perfectionism!

Thank Carol for your time and energy! We enjoyed listening to you and the many things we learned! Share some gems of wisdom below that you have learned below that have helped your child!