Self-Care is an Act of Heroism!
Parents having children with special needs no doubt have more stress and strain than parents that do not. An article in the 2010 edition of the Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders (volume 40, pages 457–469) found that the part of the brain that releases cortisol was under-active in mothers of adolescents and adults with ASD . This is also seen in other groups experiencing chronic stress, including parents of children with cancer, combat soldiers, Holocaust survivors, and individuals suffering from PTSD.
Effects of PTSD
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is a disorder that occurs when a person is exposed to a traumatic event. When someone has PTSD, their ability to function as a parent or partner can be impacted, and can lead to increased stress within the family, problems with trust, closeness, communication, and problem solving. Mental health issues may include depression, anxiety, Issues with drugs or alcohol use, eating disorders, or suicidal thoughts and actions. Physical health may be affected in ways such as having a lower immune response, increased pain, heart and breathing symptoms, and stomach and intestinal difficulties.
Certainly, not all parents with children having special needs suffer from PTSD, but it is a concern that parents need to be aware of. Chronically high stress levels can have ramifications.
How Does PTSD Make Me Feel?
At this point you are probably saying, "Tell me something I don't know!" We have all had our sleepless nights and crazy days when the stress seems unbearable. We have school district, financial, and behavioral issues with our children that other parents do not. The list and number of stressful things we deal with minute by minute goes on and on. It is critical we care for our children, but even more critical is that you care for yourself!
The bottom line is that the physical ramifications of PTSD and other stresses we experience will have a detrimental impact if you do not stop and take a closer look at your own well-being. Taking on the role as a caregiver is heroic, but grinding ourselves into the ground is not an act of heroism. Our children cannot benefit when we look and feel like a train wreck. Being a parent of a child with special needs is not a life sentence of self-deprivation nor does your life have to end as a result of disability. You deserve so much more!
Begin to transform the way you think
We need to start to transform the way we think about ourselves and our children. We often feel marginalized and forgotten. We frequently may feel riddled with guilt and that we deserve nothing more than to survive day after day. However, in reality, we are among the strongest, most resourceful, and resilient people on the planet. Think about it… how we are forced to continuously problem solve, critically think, and negotiate more in one day than most people do in a year. We are frequently forced to swim against the current and advocate to be included and given access to things most people take for granted. We are an amazing group of people and we all must resolve to start treating ourselves as the heroes we are; not depriving ourselves of our own dreams, hopes and living the life we were intended to.
During 2022, we will spend a lot of time sharing and supporting each other. You are not alone. We are an entire community of heroes and if we unite our super powers into a network of positive energy there would little we could not overcome!
Articles to read from this post:
Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders (volume 40, pages 457–469)Heim et al., 2000; Miller et al., 2002; Yehuda, Boisoneau et al., 1995; Yehuda, Kahana, et al., 1995)
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Authors
Melinda Jennis
Welcome! I am Melinda Jennis, like you I am a proud parent of children I adore and have a great vision for. My son has multiple disabilities and his path to success has been very difficult and cluttered with obstacles. He inspired me to start Pathways for Exceptional Children. One of my biggest passions for the last 20 years as a child advocate has been to train parents on how to help their children of all abilities be included and lead empowered and independent lives!
Dr. Michele Havens
Dr. Michele Havens received her Ed.D. degree from Rutgers University. She is certified in DIR/Floortime and is BCBA certified. She is a Professor Emeritus from Kean University and Montclair State University. Dr. Havens has provided training and services for parents and caregivers of children with disabilities from birth through adulthood for the last 40 years. She has also been a facilitator of several parent and sibling support groups.
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